2 Stone Challenge

I'm back again, nothing has changed and i've probably gained lots of weight. I'm not weighing myself at the moment - its too terrifying. I just want to get into some sort of regular eating pattern and lose weight naturally - not put myself under any pressure. But thats easier said than done. I know that i'm not able to completely shut my mind off from thinking about the numbers on the scales and so i've been thinking of ways to turn things around without feeling overwhelmed.

I've therefore decided to set myself a challenge to lose 2 stone. If I manage that, I can feel like i've actually achieved a goal i've set for myself instead of my mind racing ahead and desperately trying to claw my way to the 'ideal' weight, which is so far away I seem to never be able to reach it. I become dispondant, defeated and miserable when I realise it will most likely take me a year or more to reach that goal and here I am struggling through days having next to nothing to eat and expecting to be able to manage that in the long term. Yes, it seems stupid that i've ever imagined I would manage that and I can't promise myself that I won't try to do it again, but for now if I can lose just 2 stone, I feel I will have achieved a lot. So here I go!

I'm not posting my starting weight. I may post my goal weight when I reach it. I think it'll be useful to post my menu plans and my losses, though I wont weigh myself until i'm comfortably into my eating plan.

Here I go again......

I'm Back!

I'm trying this thing again. Things are getting ridiculous.
I just want to get down to a reasonble weight and get rid of all of my food-related issues. Its so frustrating, like I cannot do a damn thing right. I feel uncomfortable with every morsel that passes my lips and this causes binges. I know i'm unhappy, I dislike my job and I have cut myself off from my friends/think everyone hates me - I know this 'feeds' my problems.
I want to say I have an eating disorder but feel that this is an excuse and I don't have the right to use that term. I wish I had some readers who could offer their opinions.
So i'm making an attempt to re-start. I have to try to remain positive and try again. I really have no other choice. I'm resentful about how much have my life i've wasted on this thing. I cannot start my life again until i'm thin - its as simple as that.
I still want to use Frankie as my thinspiration, though I can't picture myself being like her in any way. I just feel I have lost all of my motivation but I have to do something.
The book I was reading says expect it to be one step forward two steps back.....

Starting Again

So I didn't start Lighter Life :(
I've postponed it until the beginning of March now so that I can get the hard few weeks at work out of the way. I'm doubting that i'll be able to stick to it (or any diet) any better then though. I'm rapidly gaining weight and i'm depressed to the max. I just don't know how to get a handle on things.
Why can't I stop binge eating?
Today when I drove home I thought about what I would do when I got home from work. I felt so depressed about my life (or lack thereof) that it felt empty to go home and have nothing to 'look forward to'. My mind drew me to the conclusion that there was no point in not eating because then I would be depressed and lonely. Of course the whole reason for my feeling depressed and lonely is my weight and of course, the eating then led to me feeling those negative emotions a billion times more than I would anyway. I feel like such a loser - surely I should just be able to stick to a diet but apparently losing my figure, my self-esteem, my friendships and my social life is a small price to pay to be able to gorge on JUNK FOOD!
After my binges I feel like tomorrow will be the day that I stick to the diet but tomorrow comes and the same thing happens again.
I thought about scrapping this blog and starting again, I feel stupid for setting myself this challenge and FAILING spectacularly - but I didn't want to so i'm here moaning instead and making excuses yet again. I don't think anyones reading anyway.
I think that i've given up the fight. I'll post again when I stop being a waste of space.

Heres Frankie looking beyond gorgeous:

Thinspo

Here are some of my fave celeb inspirations for losing weight:

Vanessa Hudgens (I believe she is around 5ft 1in and 7st 7lbs):

Lauren Conrad (About 5ft5in and 8st 7lbs)

Miley Cyrus (About 5ft 5in and 8st 2lbs)

Jessica Alba (About 5ft7in and 7st 12lb)


Mollie King (About 5ft4in and 8st)


Jennifer Aniston (About 5ft5in and 8stone)

Twelve Days On

Its been 12 days since my last post and didnt I make promises to post my progess every week good or bad?

Its no exaggeration to say that so far the diet has been a complete failure because it has. Weirdly enough, I haven't gained a huge anount of weight, perhaps a few pounds but it is going in the wrong direction and thats a problem.

I started off this blog as a challenge but I haven't made any steps towards achieving its aims at all and i'm feeling really quite unhappy about that. I've had a stressful few weeks and A LOT has changed in my life since the beginning of this year, work-wise and life-wise, i'm much busier and I'd definately say that i'm finding things a struggle. The thing is, my way of coping seems to be constantly turning to food and I seem to be binging everyday and consequently i'm feeling really out of control. Its so self-destructive and all i'm doing is sabotaging myself. Its such a frustration.

I'm asking myself:

• Is eating and getting fatter making coping with my current struggles any easier? No
• Is it making it harder to cope? Yes!
• So why am I overeating? Well thats the million dollar question (i'll come back to this later)
• Is my weight the prevailing factor that prevents me from living the life I want to live? Yes

I want to rise to this challenge I set myself! It was intended as a fun way to motivate myself and I used Frankie as a visual aid to inspire me to see how good my body could look! I still am doing that but it does seem like its an unattainable fantasy. Its like a pot of gold at the top of a huge mountain and i'm constantly fighting my way up the mountain. As soon as I think i'm getting somewhere I lose my footing and tumble right back down to where I started. Each time that happens I lose hope, lose heart and feel more and more defeated. I dont want to wallow in that feeling though, I think it just serves to send me tumbling down that mountain at an even faster rate.

So here I am drawing a line in the sand and setting myself the challenge afresh!

When I defined my goals and my plan, I said I was going to be using the cambridge diet, but I soon gave up on that. Nothing wrong in the plan I guess but somehow I didn't manage to stick with it. Then I joined Slimming World, which i'd never considered before (I think of myself as something of a dieting connoisseur - theres not much I haven't either researched or tried). Now, I'm either working or have commitments Mon-Fri evenings so it would be difficult for me to commit to group meetings but I went along to one and collected the pack detailing how the plan works, got weighed and decided to give it a shot. The thought of losing weight slowly (but probably most sensibly), fills me with dread as I've been using 'crash' diets for quite a while now, but I told myself it must be preferable to gaining weight so I was prepared to try. The diet seems complicated and difficult to work out at first but I don't believe it is and, actually, of all of the plans i've tried from the major dieting industry players (Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Lighterlife, Cambridge) it seems the closest to teaching people a realistic, attainable approach to weight management and how to make sensible decisions on what and importantly, how much they need to eat to maintain a healthy weight and re-learn about true hunger and satiety. Having said all of this i'm going to completely contradict myself. I didn't say I was logical! So I have nothing but praise for the slimming world plan and I would say is that its the closest I have seen from the dieting industry to what I would call the dieting 'holy grail', NOT DIETING AT ALL! So thumbs up for Slimming World.

Unfortunately, right now, I don't seem to be able to allow myself to follow what I obviously consider to be a sound plan for weight-loss. Oh no, I have other ideas! Which leads me on to the plan I am INTENDING to follow from this coming Wednesday - Lighterlife. Now, I have HUGE doubts about whether I should be going down this road at all, but I have a place in a group on Tuesday evening and I will be taking it up. I'll pay £280 for 4 weeks in advance and be a member of a group. The cost includes all foodpacks (4 per day), and group councilling led by a LLC (Lighterlife councillor), where we'll work through activities from Lighterlife workbooks, take part in discussions and do some self-led work outside of the group in-between meetings. This group councilling is something I really like about Lighterlife and leads me back to my earlier question:

why am I overeating?

I hope to explore this with the group councilling. It seems perfectly sensible to me that exploring reasons for overeating and feelings about self-image, self-esteem and relationships with food would be benificial in working towards ensuring that one can change the behaviours and habits which have caused them to gain weight in the first place. (Would combinging the eating plan from Slimming World and the councilling from Lighterlife create a fantastic overall plan? I think it might!) I'm not entirely convinced that the abstaining from food part doesn't just make me fatter in the long run, but i'm giving it one last shot for the group support and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) approach and I hope for the best. It seems to me that I need more than I can get from a group which asks me to show up for a weigh-in once a week and get on with it by myself. So even though i'm dubious, this is what i'm going to do and i'm going to give it my all. My dream scenario is this:

1. Follow Lighterlife for several 4-week blocks, to lose around 3-4 stones.
2. Work my way through the re-introduction of food in a controlled way and still under the support and guidance of Lighterlife (whilst hopefully shedding the last of my excess weight)
3. Use the principles of Slimming World to teach myself how to eat in a sensible, realistic, controlled and sustainable way FOR LIFE.

Phew! So thats the plan from now.

On Tuesday I'll post my weight and stats from my first Lighterlife meeting and go from there.

The challenge still remains, so in honour of my re-start (does it count as a retart if you never actually started the last time?) i'm going to post a couple of pictures of the lovely Frankie so I can begin to visualise my goal again. Actually, I feel like posting lots of pictures of celebs who I think look stunning so i'll do that in my next post. For now enjoy a couple of recent pictures of Frankie. I think shes looking a bit thinner these days and I wouldn't be surprised if shes weighing a bit less that 8st 7lbs now. Of couse it could just seem that way in these pictures and regardless i'm not moving the goalposts so I am still aiming for 8st 7lb!!

Its Tuesday evening. TWO days after I had planned to start CD, but here I am munching on some chocolate....oh dear. I dont think this is the best strategy to use in my quest to achieve Frankies figure! But its OK. I'm starting again tomorrow with a revised plan. That sounds like a bit of a cop-out, but theres no shame in admitting that you're struggling and so I am!

My new plan is to keep on the three CD food packs with the addition of one small meal (some lean protein and a few tbsps of salad). I feel slightly lame that i've fallen off the wagon straight away, or rather never managed to heave my substantial ass onto the wagon to begin with, but hey, I remain optimistic!

So in honour of this, I'm posting some of my favourite motivational quotes:

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." - George Elliot

“If we all did the things we are capable of we would astound ourselves.” - Thomas Edison

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” - Robert Collier

“Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.” - Doug Firebaugh

“Our greatest glory consists, not, in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” - Oliver Goldsmith

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” - Elbert Hubbard

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” - Henry David Thoreau

And of course the motivation for my challenge:



Ok so in the next few posts, i'm hoping to get some more 'Thinspirational' pictures up on here and some of the weight-loss articles or info i've found useful.

But for now...Watch This Space.....

My Plan, Goals and Other Bits

As I mentioned in the first post, this is my overall goal:

To slim down to the same weight and size as the beautiful Frankie Sandford!

So i'll be using this post to detail the plan I will be following as well as my goals and mini goals and my promises for this blog:

Promises

• I promise to make a new post at least once a week
• I promise to have a new picture of Frankie in every post (of course!)
• I promise to update my weight every week (whether its a good week or not!)
• I promise to update my inch-loss, BMI, dress size and pictures once a month
• I promise (as an incentive) to donate £88 to a charity of my choice (1lb=£1) once I have reached my goal (I will update with the charity once I have decided).

Overall Goals

Weight: 8stone 7pounds
BMI: 20
Dress Size: 8
Stats: Waist: 25in (65cm), Hips: 34in (87cm), Bust: 32in (80cm)

My Plan

For the first 4 weeks I will be doing 'The Cambridge Diet' (CD).

Cambridge website

This involves having nothing but 3 meal replacement packs per day (Sole Source), plus plenty of water. I can have shakes, soups and bars (after 2 weeks). I will be working with a Cambridge Diet Councillor (CDC), who will monitor how I get on and weigh me once a week.

After 4 weeks I will see how i've got on and make a decision on how I want to continue from there (You review after 4 weeks and continue with 'Sole Source' or move up through their plans gradually re-introducing normal foods).

I've done this diet before, so I do know what to expect. I'm hoping all will go well but I'll take every day as it comes.

You can check out the Cambridge website from the above link, and if you're interested you can find a councillor in your area.

Comparison Pictures

I'm going to include some pictures of me alongside the pictures i'm posting of Frankie. I think this will make a good visual aid to my weight-loss by serving as a comparison of how my body looks compared to Frankies and also how my body is changing (and hopefully shrinking) as I lose the weight. I will post new pictures of me once a month.

So here is my first set of pictures (cringe!!):


Mini-Goals

This is my first set of mini-goals. I will make up new mini-goals as I go along and of course post them here!

1. To make it through one week on CD
2. To do 30 minutes exercise on the Wii every night this week (Mon 18th - Sun 24th Jan)
3. To reach 14stone by 28th January 2010